Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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