Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You ate ashes out of my bong
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