I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
