I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
