we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
