what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
