i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
