this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
