I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
