Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
