You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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