oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
organizing the empties. That sober.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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