So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
