Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
