I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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