And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
