there's paper in my vomit.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
