You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
