Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
