I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
