yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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