your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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