Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it hurts more in the daytime
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
