I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
