i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
