ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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