There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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