I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
