My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
