Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
