I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
