I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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