i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
