Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
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