I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
