Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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