I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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