Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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