sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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