you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
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