so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
