I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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