I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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