that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
