shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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