just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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