i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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