Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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