The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
