your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
