go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
