So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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