All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
be right there i have to get my cape
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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