Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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