It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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