no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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