He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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