Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
