Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
