the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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