2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
