Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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