Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
