if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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