pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
