I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
