Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
