now i know why i became what i already was.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
