I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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