I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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