ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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