come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
