I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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