broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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