if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Randomize
