There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
