I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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